I (25M) was in an abusive relationship for about two years. It started when I was 17. The fact that it began when I was still living at home has made my relationship with my family really complicated. I hold a lot of resentment towards them for not pushing harder to help me. I’m working through it in therapy.
I’ve been with my partner (27M) for 4 years. He’s my best friend. It’s so much more than a romantic relationship. This is someone I trust more deeply than I’ve ever trusted anyone. I feel truly safe with him in a way I haven’t felt since I was a kid. We got engaged a little over a month ago.
My partner and I RSVP’d yes to my sister’s wedding months ago. I knew saying no to attending the wedding would likely be the end of my relationship with my sister, and I didn’t want that. I am low contact with my family, but I’m not trying to burn those bridges completely. I’m still just working through how to have successful relationships with them while I’m still carrying this hurt.
The wedding was last weekend. My sister hosted a dinner the night before that we were invited to. We hadn’t made any sort of formal announcement to my family about our engagement, and we didn’t plan to. When my mom saw my ring, we shared a genuinely heartfelt moment where she was crying a little and telling me how happy she was for me / us. It felt like a step in the right direction in terms of reconnection. She finally made some acknowledgment to the fact that I could have genuinely died from the situation I was in.
After dinner, my sister asked me if I could take off my engagement ring for the next day. I asked why, and she said it was embarrassing that her brother had “stolen her spotlight” at dinner and she didn’t want the same thing happening at the wedding. I was pretty taken aback by this. I said no, I wasn’t comfortable doing that. We went back and forth for a little while until I just bowed out, saying I wished them well. Today, my sister sent me a long text saying I had “ruined her wedding” because I upset our mom.
AITAH?
