Recently my mother had a fall and waited 48 hours to “press the button” for an ambulance to take her to hospital. Why did she wait? A mixture of reasons. She hoped the fall was more minor, and that the pain would be manageable. She hoped to get better by herself, with peace and quiet. It is her way though, not to tell people when there is a problem, preferring first to try to solve things for herself.
She’s not unusual. From conversation with others it has became clear there are parents and grandparents up and down the country reluctant to “press the button” and gain help when they need it.
As adult children we can get cross or upset when our older family members persist, from our point of view, in struggling on and not making their lives easier. We wish our elderly relatives would accept help more easily, and, if we are truthful, be rather less independent from time to time.
Yet are we different from this? Do we rush to ask, or do we wait our equivalent of 48 hours before “pressing the button”, when we need help. For example:
- When we have a sales forecast or cash flow problem, do we communicate this early with those in Finance who could help us?
- Do we take advantage of IT support or do we wait until we have a major problem before we ask for help?
- Do we allow HR to contribute to our strategic thinking or just ask them to recruit at the eleventh hour?
My experience is this, although we might not like to admit it, we are often exactly the same as our elderly family members.
We want to fix our problems for ourselves. This way we keep our problems, and our vulnerabilities, invisible and inside.
I’m wondering – what is the story you are telling yourself, about asking for help?
If you are not as skilled or as comfortable about asking for help as you would like, ask yourself:
- What’s the downside?
- What does it stop me asking for?
- What is the cost to my “pressing the button” late, or not at all?
- What opportunities does it stop, or prevent?
- What difference could it make, if I could ask?
The incisive question might be:
If I knew that only good things came from asking for help, what specifically would I ask for now?
Get in touch if some coaching support would benefit you and what you wish to achieve personally and professionally.
You might want to know. My mother is recovering. It’s a slow process from having hurt her back and it was very slow trying to do this on her own. She’s come to live with us, has more help and it’s a pleasure seeing her start to thrive again.
Gill is passionate about developing the leadership capability of professionals in organisations to help them manage change, develop a positive culture and achieve successful business results. She is at her best contributing within a team on an associate, interim, contract, project or permanent basis.
If you would like to meet Gill for a coffee, to explore how she could contribute to the success of your goals, please contact her here.
