Curly hair is a gift. It’s dynamic, bold, and styles itself naturally in a way that’s unique to each person. If you have curly hair — you should be proud.
But, a lot of curly-haired guys aren’t proud.
Many curly-haired men think their hair is naturally ugly or (at best) uninteresting. Personally, I blame Jonah Hill in Superbad. If you have curly hair, I almost guarantee you’ve (1) had a bad ‘fro or (2) you’ve cut off all or most of your hair. Me? I’ve done both…several times.
Unless you were lucky enough to have a curly haired mom or a curly haired girlfriend — odds are that you were never taught how to properly take care of curly hair. I know I didn’t. I didn’t learn how to take care of my curly hair until my girlfriend taught me…in my early 20s.
Men aren’t socialized to learn about how to take care of their hair. Plus, the cards are stacked against you. The conventional wisdom for how to take care of hair (shampoo, rinse, repeat) literally makes curly hair worse. It’s worse than washing your hair with just water.
The irony is — taking care of curly hair is easy! The routine I’ve outlined below takes me about 15 minutes (including a shower) in the morning. Plus, it only costs about $10 a month.
It’s worth it.
With the right care, your hair will become your greatest asset. Your favorite thing about yourself and a source of pride that you can’t wait to see every day. Plus, done right, curly hair looks better and takes less effort than having straight hair.
So, what’s different about a curly hair routine?
The defining characteristic of curly hair is that it is thirsty.
I won’t trouble you with the anatomy lesson (yet) but the short version is that your hair is primarily composed of keratin, a protein that is also an important part of our skin and nails. Keratin dries out easily, which is why our scalp produces natural oils that hydrate our hair to prevent it from breaking.
For straight-haired people, who I will now confusingly refer to as “the straights”, this works great. Oil starts at the scalp and moves down to the end of their hair pretty quickly. Good for the straights.
For us curly-haired folk, the kinks and coils of our hair mean that oil rarely travels all the way to the end of our hair. Hence, it gets thirsty.
Cool — I want a routine not an essay…
What is this, one of those recipes on the internet where you have to scroll like 10 years to find the ingredients and the recipe?? Fine. Here’s what you’ll need:
- A non-silicone shampoo that contains sulfates: This is also called a clarifying shampoo. Think of this like a clean slate for your hair. We’re cleaning house so we can start fresh. I’d recommend this one ($3).
- A daily conditioning wash: This will become the wash you use daily. I use this one ($5). You want something cheap because you’re using a lot of it and it isn’t staying in your hair for very long. Avoid conditioners that contain silicones. More on that some other time.
- A leave in conditioner: You’ll be leaving this in your hair, so this is the one place you want to invest. I really like this one ($20) — it’s worth it.
- A holding gel: If your hair is any longer than an inch or two, you’ll probably want a gel to hold your curls together and prevent frizz. I use this one but if $14 is too much this one is well-liked and only $4.
Ok — so what do you actually do?
This routine is really simple. I’ll give you the TLDR up here, but I explain each step below.
This looks long — what’s the short version?
- (!/0) If you haven’t done this routine before or your hair feels heavy or dirty, use the clarifying shampoo to give yourself a clean slate. Otherwise, just skip straight to …
- (1) Wash your hair like normal, but skip the shampoo and just use your conditioning wash. When you finish showering, don’t dry your hair too much.
- (2) Gently massage some leave-in conditioner into your hair. Your hair should feel silken and kind of…slimy, but you shouldn’t be able to see white residue in your hair.
- (3) Optionally: Apply gel the same way as you did the leave-in conditioner. You’ll see the curls stand up more easily, but don’t overuse the gel.
- (4) Don’t f*cking touch your hair. When it’s dry, break the hold of the gel and the leave-in by gently squeezing it in your fist. Boom. You’re a god.
Long version below.
Is this your first time doing this routine? Does your hair feel heavy/dirty?
If it’s your first time trying out this routine OR if your hair feels heavy or dirty, use the clarifying wash. It is critically important that you DON’T use shampoo too often. For reference, I do this about once every two weeks.
Shampoo is good for giving you a clean slate, but it nukes the moisture out of your hair. If you use it too often, your hair won’t be able to retain the moisture it needs to be healthy and strong. Overusing shampoo leads to frizziness and keeps hair unnaturally straight (not in a good way).
First step! You’ll do this every time you shower (5 min)
After your hair is wet in the shower (it takes a minute or two for me). Squeeze out a good amount of the conditioner and massage it into your scalp. Be generous here. The conditioner should be cheap and it’s important that it’s fully incorporated into your hair.
Wait a second. Aren’t you supposed to shampoo before you condition…?
NO. NO YOU’RE NOT. The straights do that — but NOT YOU. Take the shampoo and put it under your bathroom sink. You will be shampooing so rarely don’t even need to think about it.
Surprisingly, the goal with this conditioner isn’t actually to moisturize your hair (although it will moisturize the hair a little). We’re using the conditioner here to clean your hair. The conditioner makes it easy to wash out dirt, excess oil, and any hair/skin you’ve shed.
But, since we’re not leaning as heavily on chemical cleaners (sulfates) because they dry out our hair, we need to lean a little heavier into the manual cleaning, so make sure you’re putting massaging vigorously and washing your whole scalp (back of the head, behind the ears) not just the top of your head. Vigorous massage not only helps clean, but encourages hair growth!
After you’re done, wash the conditioner out. That’s it! That’s all you need to do to clean.
Now we’re going to moisturize for the day (2 min)
Once you’re out of the shower — don’t dry your hair too much. Then, apply a quarter-sized dollop of the leave-in conditioner to your hair. Massage it gently from your scalp to the tips of your hair, paying special attention to get the back and sides of your head (not just the top). Even if your curly hair is short, on the sides or the back, it still needs the moisture.
A good technique here is to apply the leave-in evenly, then squeeze your hair in your fists. You should hear a healthy “squelch”. If you don’t hear a “squelch”, you need more leave-in.
On the other side of the spectrum, if you see white residue in your hair after you squeeze it, you probably have a bit too much. It’s better to have too much than too little, but if you want to remove some, just dab lightly with a towel and re-squeeze.
Once you’ve done this a few times, it becomes second nature. I do this every morning and it takes me less than two minutes.
Next, you can apply holding gel (2 min)
Apply gel just like you applied leave-in, but you don’t need to work gel down to your scalp, it’s mostly important that it holds the middle to the end of your curls.
Personally, I was skeptical of this step at first. I thought hair gel was something that was only used by Guy Fierri or 12 year old boys playing Danny from their middle-school’s rendition of Grease.
But, hair gel is incredibly useful for curly haired people for two reasons.
First, your hair will dry more quickly because the gel not only dries your hair (a little bit) it also increases the surface area of your hair exposed to the air. So, you’ll get to crunch your curls (i.e. break the hold from the leave-in) more quickly.
Two, curls are composed of many hairs and gel helps them bind and stay bound for healthy-looking, natural, bouncy curls. Unlike straight-haired people, whose hair styles are defined by separating their hair (e.g. with a fine comb), curls look BETTER when they’re allowed to come together and form curls! Gel supports your curls once they’ve naturally bound together.
If your hair is any longer than an inch or two, I’d recommend giving it a try. It’s true you’ll look like a greaser for an hour or two, but your partner loves you anyway (hopefully?) and you’ll thank me when you break the hold.
Finally — don’t f*cking touch your hair. Break the hold when dry.
Once you’ve got your leave-in or leave-in & gel applied to your hair — just don’t f*cking touch it. Don’t mess with it, just let it dry.
As the leave-in conditioner and gel dries, the curls will feel crunchy. Very crunchy — and that’s a good thing. The keratin in your hair is being nourished by the conditioner and, depending on the porosity of your hair, that takes time. It usually takes my hair about two hours to dry, sometimes less if I go outside in the sun, sometimes more if I’m inside and it’s humid.
When it’s finally dry, gently take the curls in your hand and make a fist. You’ll feel the hold break and your hair will soften. Do this everywhere your curls feel crunchy, until there’s no crunch left.
Done.
Congrats! You’ve got curly hair! Whether you use this routine or not, that’s a victory.
Let me know in the comments what you think of the routine. Is this something you’re going to try?
Whether it’s this routine or not, I sincerely hope you find a process that makes your hair a source of strength and joy, rather than a source of stress or shame.
