Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Pay Dirt,
I’m in my early 20s and recently purchased a small, relatively cheap house entirely with money given to me by my grandparents. I’m very grateful for this. My spouse and I will be funding furnishings and renovations, and we’ll be moving really soon.
My question is: How do we tell our friends? They rent small places with roommates and don’t have access to this kind of generational wealth. And they don’t know that I do. They come over to our place often, and with the renovations we’re going to be doing, we won’t be able to pretend we’re just renting this new place.
We’d like them to keep coming over, obviously. But I don’t know how to announce that we’ve nepo-babied our way into homeownership without it sounding like a weird, insensitive flex. I also don’t want them to think I’ve been hiding wealth all along (we’re frugal people with only a modest amount to money to our own names). We didn’t mention a thing before we bought the house, and now it feels too late. What do we even say? Am I overthinking this?
—Undercover Homeowner
Dear Undercover Homeowner,
It’s great that you want to be thoughtful about how to share this news with your friends, but the most thoughtful thing you can do is to be honest with them and trust their ability to handle the information without worrying about how they might judge you.
- I Need to Tell My Future Employer Something They’re Not Going to Like. I’m Worried It Could Get Me Fired.
Nepo baby or not, this is something to celebrate. Homeownership has become elusive, and the fact that you have a place to call your own is something to be grateful for. Your friends might have hard feelings about it, but that’s up to them to work through. If they value the friendship, they’ll be happy for you despite any difficult feelings it might bring up for them.
Expressing gratitude about the windfall will go a long way here. Something like, “We wanted to let you all know we bought this home. We were really surprised we were able to do it, but we came into an unexpected financial windfall and this is how we wanted to use our funds. We’re incredibly grateful, but it also feels a little bit awkward. We just want to be upfront about everything.”
Obviously, you want to say this in your own voice and with your own judgement toward the situation—you know your friends and how this kind of thing would land with them. The point is, honesty is often the best policy—and in this case, it shows your friends you trust and respect them enough to handle the truth.
—Kristin
More Money Advice From Slate
My sister and I (both in our 30s) are very different. She’s brilliant, accomplished, and a high earner. She has a loving husband who earns even more, and three wonderful children who I adore. I’m fairly smart too, but I was born with a medical condition that has prevented me from starting a family or achieving a similar level of success as my sister. That said, I have a comfortable salary, and I love being an aunt to her kids. Our parents are not rich, but are very supportive and generous with the money they do have. They are also a little odd, and their financial support usually comes with a caveat. They have always been concerned with treating us “fairly” despite our differences in health, ability, and circumstances.
